The fridge is quietly humming and the little black round-faced clock is ticking on the shelf above the windshield. These two things are the only noise I hear tonight in our little bus-home. Morgan is away at a meeting and I’ve done dishes and now I’m sitting in the silence and I don’t mind it. I thought of lighting a cozy fire in our tiny woodstove but that seemed like too much work and also it’s so beautiful out that instead I’m just sitting.
Grandma Jul passed away last Friday. Morgan and I arrived Saturday to Copeland and flew back to BC late Wednesday. The only plus was seeing all of our wonderful friends and family who came to support. My family stayed at Max&Rose for nights and as Renae wrote in the guest book, “a haven in time of storm” which I thought said it perfectly. On the way home from the airport Wednesday night, I thought I should call and let Grandma know we were home because we always did. She was such a huge part of our lives and one of my best friends. I know how fortunate we’ve been to have her as a Grandma and a friend. Lots of my friends don’t have the opportunity. But it makes the goodbye so much harder. I cried a lot today. Sat in the sun. Slept.
Sometimes I get mad at the losses this year. Dad in law. 2 grandparents. A job. Our place in BC. It’s nothing that other people aren’t dealing with too. We aren’t coming back to teach here next year. I was left with little option but to quit teaching in February and that wasn’t in our five-year plan, but we are trying to move past the losses in that area of life as well. It’s ridiculous it even needs to be said, but gossip and bias should not exist in a Christian workplace. I told Mom tonight that I wasn’t sure God really cared about Morgan and I anymore and I was so reproved later this evening when I was sitting here reading the Sunday school lesson:
“Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.1
Keeping our eyes fixed on the Lord is also a defense on the battleground of thought life and fears in our mind. Fear can cause us to lose hope that God has a way for us. When the apostle Peter kept his eyes on Jesus, he was able to walk on the water, which was something no other mortal man had experienced before. His capability waned as he took his eyes off Jesus, noticing instead the wind and the waves. When his focus shifted, the power also left him, and he began to sink. Our Lord is as faithful in this day of grace as He was to Peter. Let us look again to Him and cry out in faith, “Lord, save me.” He will reach down again with his arms of love.”
I just cried with unworthiness and relief that we have Him to go to when everything feels wrong. On the flip side, we also have seen how far kindness and empathy can go because the friendships and support we have in our lives are truly overwhelming. We really are blessed beyond.
Morgan’s class has their camping trip this weekend so he will be gone until Saturday evening. Today he got the Thule with our skis and boots mounted on the bus roof deck and cleaned out his “garage” umder-bus compartment.We are both working on lists of things we need to accomplish by June 16 ish which is when we plan to leave after school is out here. Our current plan (although we’ve had some lovely teaching offers to different locations:) is to go back by Morgan’s family in California. We are both happy to be going back, although it wouldn’t have necessarily been in our plans a year ago! Mom, Madison, and Mom Yolanda are all coming to the year end and we are very excited about that! Then my mom is going to road trip with us down to California so I’m going to do some planning this weekend for a fun drive home:)
We have been living back in our bus since Easter. It’s hard to believe we’ve lived in it for a couple years already! I did a deep clean and took some stuff to Value Village before we moved in. We have to replace our inverter this spring which allows us to run on batteries so we don’t need to be at a campground but otherwise things seem back to normal. We eat all of our meals outside because it’s so lovely out. Things are getting green now and the sunshine is golden and lights up the trees and mountains while we eat supper. The door hangs open most of the day and we just live outside. I love it. A pheasant has made its home down the hill from the bus so I hear it calling while I’m outside and it’s a cozy sound. We made a bunch of pickled onions and our first batch of sauerkraut the other night. We tried the sauerkraut when we got home from Kansas and it’s quite delicious so the next step is to make a bigger batch and keep improving it.
Things are real here in our little life. We have sorrows and joys and sometimes God gives us little touches of Heaven for us to look forward to. I have my Morgan and the best family and so many friends that I have no reason to live in sadness. If you’re reading this, you’re probably on this journey with us and I’m so glad to have you. I feel like I should end with a ‘thankfuls’ list so here you go:
- Morgan, Max and Brett, Mom, Madison, Dillon & Renae.
- green fields and hills all around me.
- the noise the pine trees make when it’s breezy.
- $5 Walmart flip-flops I got to use in our outdoor shower but they are so comfortable I can’t contain my surprise.
- a little daisy that popped up in the gravel.
- iced coffee in a mason jar with good ice and a straw and caramel syrup.
Have a lovely weekend♡