Most people probably won’t read this post, and if you do read it, that means you either love me extra, or infertility affects your life or a friend or family member’s in some way. This last week was “Infertility Awareness Week” and incidentally it was probably the hardest week I’ve had on this journey so I thought I’d share here about some of this piece of our life. I’ve written about some of our struggles with it before, but if you didn’t know this about us, here are some *Fun Facts* about our journey.  Haha. I don’t want to overshare but I also want you to know what your friend or family might be carrying.

• We’ve been married for 7.5 years and trying to conceive for 4 years now. Much shorter than some of my friends and much longer than many of you will have to.
• Is there a diagnosis? I don’t know. I have a chronic illness called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) that can contribute to infertility but that doesn’t mean it’s causing it if that makes sense. Most of the testing has come back with normal results which has led to the term “unexplained infertility”. Sometimes I’m glad to hear there isn’t anything seriously wrong per se, but other times I wish there was something definite. We are still in the middle of doctoring so we don’t know what the end results will end up being.
• My age is against me. Even though women in 2025 are having children at much later ages than any other time in history, I constantly feel like it’s now or never, a problem when I live in Canada and the health system is so slow. Yesterday I had to move one of my appointments to a week later due to overlapping plans and it stressed me out so much that I was losing another week for the appointment that I just cried. Add to this the constant pressure of everyone else my age sending their children to Grade 4 or having another baby and time becomes more prevalent than ever. I feel stuck alot, like life and my friends are passing by us while we stay in this weird spot. Not young couple, not old couple, not toddler parents, not school parents, just sort of leftovers that don’t fit in anywhere.
• Guilt and worry are my constant friends. Guilt that the one job a woman’s body is made for, my body refuses to do. Guilt for my low energy levels. Guilt when I’m on a new medication and we can’t go to supper plans because my mental health is so low. Guilt when I don’t feel like being excited for expecting friends. Guilt for being a wife with these issues. Guilt that I won’t go to someone’s baby shower because it’s just not fair that they can be unkind and gossipy and they still get a baby while we don’t. How do we know if the door is open to pursue adoption or something else? Shall we take a break? Maybe we would be awful parents. Maybe God is punishing me for something. How long should we doctor with no results? Should we be pursuing something already so we are ahead if we can’t have a child in the next couple years? What if I drink this iced coffee and it makes me not get pregnant? Am I completely alone?
• Overwhelm Part 1. I started first with PCOS (fatigue, irregular cycles, facial hair, infertility, mood swings) and while the internet is full of useful things, it’s also full of a just so MUCH useful and useless information, for sure for something health related. Everyone thinks they have a solution and supplements for it. It’s true there are a few good ones but it has taken years for me to sort through and every day I’m overwhelmed with “better quality vitamins” and “cold plunges” and “turmeric”  and “spearmint tea for less facial hair” and “lowering stress hormones” and finally I just have to give it all to God again. I cannot make it on this infertility journey if I think God will not bless us because I’m not taking a specific vitamin or going for a massage every week for stress.
• Overwhelm Part 2. Then I started researching pregnancy and PCOS and it was another eye opening time and again I am daily overwhelmed with all the things I’m doing wrong and should change so my hormones aren’t disrupted for pregnancy. Get rid of the microwave, get rid of anything plastic, see a naturopath, see a doctor, take this powder 2x a day, don’t use scented anything, only take beef organ supplements, don’t drink plain water, drink mineral water. I don’t know what to focus on first so I’m just overwhelmed all the time instead.
• The constant advice from everyone with a lot of free time and money is sometimes exhausting. “Try this naturopath” or “you have to be taking these beef supplements” are things that are very hard for me to hear because Finances are another huge thing in infertility. I already should be on several different medications that would possibly help my infertility but we just can’t afford it. That’s not needing sympathy. It’s just life. So I love that people think I need a naturopath for $1,000 for a visit, but does it seem like if I’m skipping medications that I can afford that visit? Plus let’s not even talk about the cost of all the ovulation strips and doctor visits (not all healthcare in Canada is free!) and negative pregnancy tests.
• The constant advice can go into the next phase as well. What if we can’t have a child? Not everyone’s infertility story ends with a child and sometimes the pressure of a family gets so much with people’s well-wishes. “Well at least you can foster” and “of course you will get pregnant” and “You can always adopt” and “Why haven’t you tried IVF?” are also hard to hear. Like are we not enough as a couple that you could just love us for who we are, even if we never have a family? What if we choose not to adopt because Morgan and I have lived through a lot already and mentally maybe we can’t take that on? What if we choose not to adopt because we can’t afford it or the door simply doesn’t open how we’d like it to? Just love us for who we are. And if we are blessed with a miracle then you can love them too. But constantly feeling like we are lesser because we don’t have children is a real thing. I think there are people in our life who would visit us more if we had children for them to see and you may not believe me but it’s true. What if it’s just us? Like Morgan and I are SO.COOL. just the two of us.😎

    We know God cares and has a plan. Yesterday, on the worst day, He had a rainbow set carefully right on the mountains in my backyard view. It was there so many times yesterday afternoon when I would look out and literally (not to be dramatic) but through my tears of sad and self-pity, I would see that rainbow and feel a little warmer with His promises. That being said, I feel like often my faith is far less than a grain of mustard seed. Maybe the dust of the mustard seed would be closer. We feel completely committed to God and His will for us, but we wish you would each help us pray. Maybe not for healing if that’s not His will, but for acceptance and open doors for us going forward.

I know this all probably seems negative but I don’t feel like it is. This is a glimpse of what your sister or friend or cousin is going through or maybe I’m weird and it’s  just me. I know everyone has their burden but please, especially think of these girls who wish this for themselves. I’m on this wee group with 5 girls who are in this same battle and I love them dearly. I pray every day for them because all of these things just consume your life and it’s sometimes hard to find hope so you should pray for them too♡

Thanks for reading, if you made it this far. Much love to you.

Xo cheyenne linn